


Two Ghosts

by NippyLou



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Comfort, Hurt, M/M, Rekindled Relationship, Strangers to Lovers, friends - Freeform, lovers to strangers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-27
Updated: 2018-03-27
Packaged: 2019-04-13 18:07:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,757
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14117973
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NippyLou/pseuds/NippyLou
Summary: “You could have stopped me. I would have done anything you asked me to do, but you let me leave. You didn’t fight. You just gave up.”With that, Louis turned and stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind him. Harry was left standing in the aftermath of the first confrontation they ever had since it all went down. The words louis spoke swirled around him, getting louder and louder until it was a scream in Harry’s head._____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________Or the one where Harry and Louis drifted further apart after being forced to deny their relationship and then find each other again over a weekend at the lake house with their friends.





	Two Ghosts

There’s a certain type of feeling that overcomes you when you see someone you use to know better than anyone else. It seeps into your pores and enters your veins, spreading throughout every inch of your body. It’s that feeling of overwhelming dread and uncertainty that is followed by a forced shove of false hope that maybe, just maybe, it won’t be as awful as you think it will be. 

Harry is struck paralyzed for just a moment. In that moment, all he could see was blue. All he could feel was the ghosts of fingers tracing his skin. All he could smell was the memory of oak and soap. All he could taste was peppermint and cigarettes. 

In that moment, harry lost that numbness he grew accustomed to and start to feel the pieces of his heart still laying shattered and open in his chest. And then, just like the flip of a light switch, it was gone. It was replaced by the feeling of a hand on his shoulder. Niall smiled soft and sympathetic before lowering his hand. 

“You’ll have to face him one day.”

Today didn’t have to be that day. Maybe tomorrow. Or next week. Or after Harry was six feet under. But not today. Not with hundreds of people around and definitely not with lights and cameras tracking their every move. 

Yet, there he was. Less than a hundred feet away. Smiling and conversing with the people crowding him. Harry was envious of them. They got to speak to him. Touch him. Harry didn’t have a choice but to stand on the side lines. 

_Keep your distance._

_Not too distant._

_Do not touch._

_Smile politely._

_Small talk. Nothing more._

Those words kept circling his brain. Ricocheting off the walls of his skulls, permanently embedding themselves inside his mind. Even if it was a long time ago. Some things you just don’t forget. Life was still too hard. Too demanding. Too constructed by other people to even be Harry’s own life. He guessed that was the price of fame. 

What are you supposed to do when two strangers find themselves thrown into overnight fame together? What are you supposed to do when those same two people become best friends and know each other better than anyone else? What are you supposed to do when love envelopes them like a ravenous wildfire swallowing a forest? What are you supposed to do when those two people that are in love are forcibly split apart? How do you cope with the fallout with the one person you’ll forever crave?

Harry somehow made it through the entirety of the awards ceremony without incident. A short “hello” and “how have you been?” Had been the brunt of his night. He thought he was home free. But Liam had other plans. 

“We are all going to stay at the lake house for the weekend. For old times sake. It just one weekend.”

Harry was surprised Louis had even agreed. He figured he would keep his respectful distance and drift through the weekend and then. Catch the next flight back to London. Everything would be easy peasy. 

The lake house is where they all use to spend the greater amount of time together when working on songs or just coming off a tour and wanted to unwind. It’s where he had his first kiss. It’s where he came out to his friends. It’s where he fell in love. And now it’s where he will suffer through two days of pretending that he isn’t still affected by Louis’ presence. 

It was late when they all arrived. Everyone was too wound up to fall asleep immediately. Zayn, being the rebel that he is, took it upon himself to disconnect all the security cameras in and around the house. 

“A weekend free from viewers.”

And that was the best idea anyone has ever had, in Harry’s opinion.  
They settled in around the flat screen tv with popcorn and bottles of beer. Niall and Liam fussed over which movie they would watch. Zayn plucked a joint from the pocket of his leather jacket and lit it up. No one even blinked in his direction. Louis sat at the far end of the room tossing popcorn at Niall while he tried to catch them in his mouth. Liam would mutter something about still being childish and all seemed right in the world for just a little while. Harry found he could relax and sink into the velvety plushness of the worn-out sofa they had rescued from the thrift store in town back at the beginning of their journey. 

He must have dozed off. He blinked slowly, letting his eyes readjust to the blueness of the room. The movie’s title menu flashed, lighting the room red for just a second before drenching it in blue again. Liam and Niall were fast asleep on the floor. Zayn and Louis had gone. Harry, being the good friend that he always is, draped blankets over both Liam and Niall before turning off the tv and heading outside for fresh air. 

The lake was always so serene at night. The crickets chirping and the frogs bellowing and the gentle lap of water against the bank, it definitely helped ease Harry’s tired mind.  
Ever since he started out with the boys, he could remember all the sleepless nights where his anxiety would get the best of him, he would wander outside and sit on the bench by the bank and just breathe. So that’s exactly what he did. 

He took in the sharp bitter air and the way the moon reflected across the lakes surface and the cool, damp breeze caressing his skin.  
“I didn’t realize someone else was out here.”

Harry turned slowly, hoping that maybe he was coming down sick from the cold air. That voice that was as soft as silk and dripped like honey was unmistakable. 

Louis leaned over the back of the bench with his elbows propping him up. 

“It’s still just as beautiful, isn’t it?”

Harry wasn’t sure if he was supposed to answer. He just nodded, keeping his eyes straight ahead. Trying his hardest not to look. Because looking would make him feel. Louis didn’t speak again after that. He just sat down beside Harry in silence. And although their knees were almost touching, there seemed to be miles between them. 

Harry’s mind reeled with ideas of how to start a conversation. But what do you say to the stranger you once knew? So, silence is what remained until the sun started to rise, illuminating the sky. 

Harry was the first to leave. He thinks he might have muttered something about getting a couple hours of sleep, but honestly, he’s not even sure it was intelligible. 

He woke to sunlight streaming through the blinds. The house was unusually quiet. Whenever the boys were all together they had a tendency to be obnoxiously loud. Still, he padded quietly down the hall to the bathroom as to not wake anyone. 

He stood with his palms flat against the tile, head dipped low, allowing the steaming water to trickle down his body. He let his mind drift for just a split second. This shower held memories much like the rest of the house. But this memory in particular held more meaning behind it. It was the start of it all. 

It was right after their first tour ended. Louis had spent the entire tour torturing him with little touches and gestures and whispers. Only to ignore him when Harry tried to bring it up. Louis had been the biggest tease in the history of all teases. If that even existed. They had landed finally after a ten-hour flight. Harry was frustrated and irritated and just tired. He wanted a hot shower and bed. He stood just as he was now when he heard the bathroom door open and close again. He didn’t think much of it because the boys were always walking in while someone else was showering. When you gotta go you gotta go. What Harry wasn’t expecting was the feeling of arms wrapping around his waist. He tensed up until he felt that first peck between his shoulder blades. Like butter in a hot skillet, harry melted into Louis. It was the first time Louis had apologized by getting on his knees. It was the first time Louis had done something other than drive Harry mad. After it was all said and done, Harry had Louis backed against the tile while he sucked love bites just under Louis’ collar bones. And if they stayed far too long in the shower, the others didn’t comment on it. 

That night Louis snuck into Harry’s bed, tucking himself into every dip and curve of Harry’s body. Louis kept wrapping the same curl around his finger and watching it bounce back into place. 

“I’m pretty sure I’m in love with you.” 

Harry was far more certain that he was indeed in love with Louis too.

Just like that, his chest was cracked open again. A solitary tear slid down his cheek. He promptly brushed it away and shut off the shower. Just another day to go through and he could jet off. He could escape again. He could shut off his emotions and pretend he was never in love with the stranger down the hall.

He opened the bathroom door and came face to face with Louis. Louis quickly diverted his gaze away from the low-slung towel encircling Harry’s hips. He sucked in a tight breath of air before exhaling slowly. Harry took note of that. 

“They, the lads, took off into town for a bit. Told ‘em to pick you up some deodorant. I noticed yours was almost gone.”

A smile rugged at the corners of Harry’s mouth. Louis always did have a problem with using Harry’s things. Not that Harry would ever complain about it. 

Harry could hear the shower running when he made it way downstairs, fully clothed mind you. The idea struck him. Louis loves Harry’s pancakes. Harry set about whipping up two big plates of pancakes just the way Louis liked them. 

Harry has just added the last pancake to a plate when Louis entered the kitchen. His eyes gleamed at the heaping piles on the plates. Harry set down the syrup, whipped cream, and peanut butter. All of Louis’ favorite toppings. Louis beamed.

“Figured you’d be hungry.” Harry brushed a fly away curl from his eyes. 

Right then, it felt normal again. The two of them sitting around the table eating pancakes. There wasn’t a lull in conversation. The awkwardness had faded away, even if only for a moment. Harry was laughing at a story Louis told when Louis set his fork down and fixed an intense gaze on Harry. Harry all but choked on his own breath. He could feel the weight of this look on his chest. 

“I’ve missed this.”

And Harry wanted to weep because he missed this too. Louis reached across the table and brushed his fingertips across his cheek. Harry was unsure of what was happening until louis held his hand out, exposing the flour residue on the tips. Harry did have a tendency to get a little messy while cooking. 

Harry watched Louis watching him. The way Louis’ eyes would flicker back and forth from his lips to his eyes told Harry all he needed to know. He, too, missed the taste of Louis’ lips on his own. But neither of them made a move.

“We really need to talk. Don’t we?”

Harry nodded. Because yeah, they really needed to finally have that conversation he had been so afraid of. No definite plans were made. Nothing else was said about it. They left it at that and set about cleaning up Harry’s mess. 

The boys returned midafternoon to find Harry and Louis at opposite ends of the living room playing the PlayStation. Apparently, Niall had disappeared somewhere between the shop outlets and the music stores and Liam and Zayn had to back track all the way until they found Niall hunched over a brand-new guitar in the park next to the music store. Liam had lost his keys in the Chinese restaurants parking lot. Zayn almost got into a fight with a random guy on the street for disrespecting the girl he was with. They had a busy day, but rewarded Harry and Louis with Styrofoam plates of Chinese food. 

They spent the remainder of the day at the lake. Jumping in, diving, splashing, and sun bathing. Everything they use to do when the world wasn’t so messed up. Zayn pantsed Liam. Niall messed up his cannon ball and landed on Harry. Louis stole Zayn’s clothes while he sun bathed naked. 

Harry sat back and watched. He watched his best friends have the time of their lives without spectators noting their every move. He fantasized they were all ordinary guys on summer holiday. He imagined that once this was all over, they wouldn’t be returning to the hustle and bustle of the life of celebrities. Instead, they’d be going home to the peaceful normal life they all missed out on. The best part, no one would be judging Harry on who he loved. It was a fantasy Harry thought about often. 

The sun began to set. Hues of pink and gold streaked the sky much like a Bob Ross painting. Louis plopped down beside him, nudging him with his shoulder. Harry smiled at the guy that still held his heart after all this time. They didn’t speak. They just sat there beside each other, shoulders brushing and knees knocking. For just that moment, Harry pretended that everything was normal again. He pretended that they didn’t lose all that time. 

All of them were gathered around the pool table with beers in hand. Niall and Zayn were going head to head in eight ball. The prize? Niall’s new guitar. Niall was up, stripes on play. He leaned across the table, poking his tongue out the side of his mouth in concentration. For added emphasis, He wiggled his butt around. Harry cracked up. Louis Cheered him on. Zayn stood beside him with a cocked eyebrow and a new level of confidence. Niall lined up the shot and missed, potting the que. 

Liam patted Niall’s back as he sulked away from the pool table. Louis turned up the music and clapped his hands together in excitement. An all too familiar tune flowed from the speakers. The same song they had danced to the first night together at the lake house. Cheers went up all around the room. Louis set his beer down and grabbed Harry’s hand causing Harry’s own beer to slosh over the side of the cup and onto the front of his shirt. He managed to clumsily set his beer down before being pulled off to the side of the room. Harry chuckled as Louis jumped and bobbed around him like a lunatic. It was Louis’ so-called dance moves that Harry found absurd and so, so endearing. Just another thing about Louis that made Harry’s heart swell with love.  
The boys whooped and cheered them on and Harry and Louis danced around each other like the big goons they were. 

Harry lost all track of time that night. With beer strumming through their veins, Harry and Louis stumbled upstairs and found themselves in Harry’s room. Louis tugged at Harry’s stained shirt.

“Gotta get this off you. It stinks.”

Louis laughed at himself and tugged at the hem once again as if the shirt would just fall away from Harry’s torso. Harry placed his hand over Louis’ and pulled it back. Louis met Harry’s gaze, swaying in spot. 

“You’re drunk. I’m drunk. We should go to bed.” 

Louis grinned like it was the best thing he ever heard. But Harry literally meant they should sleep it off. In their own respective beds. Once Louis understood this, he staggered backwards and huffed. 

“I thought you would want me.”

And Harry does oh so much. Just not like this. Not being intoxicated and not without talking first. 

“Lou, I do. Just, we need to talk first. We need to-“

Louis shook his head, refusing to hear Harry out. 

“You piss me off.”

Well, that wasn’t something Harry expected to hear.

“You stand there acting like you have everything under control. Like you aren’t affected by any of this. Like…Like…”

Louis rapidly searched Harry’s face for the words that were escaping him. Harry hoped he could find them.

“Like we were nothing.”

And if Harry’s chest could rip open and his heart could hit the floor, shattering into billions of pieces; it would have done so right then and there. He took a step towards Louis, but Louis wasn’t having it. He kept the distance from Harry precise. 

“Louis, I have been affected by all of this more than you will ever know.” 

Harry tried to control his breathing, but it grew more and more rapid and uneven with every word.

“I have spent every day since you left wondering what I could have done to make it better. To make it different. If there was some way I could just go back and change something, I would.”

Louis held his hand up, cutting Harry off. 

“You could have stopped me. I would have done anything you asked me to do, but you let me leave. You didn’t fight. You just gave up.”

With that, Louis turned and stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind him. Harry was left standing in the aftermath of the first confrontation they ever had since it all went down. The words Louis spoke swirled around him, getting louder and louder until it was a scream in Harry’s head. 

Harry was sitting on the edge of his bed, fighting back the flood of emotions that kept trying to overwhelm him. He was too drunk to handle this right now. A light knock drew Harry’s attention. Liam poked his head in and hesitated before entering the room. 

“Wanna talk about it?”

Liam sat down beside Harry, watching him in that soft way that Liam does when someone he cares about is hurting.

“I just don’t know what to do anymore, Liam. I love him.” 

Harry sobbed then. His will to hold the tears back broke like a dam. Liam wrapped an arm around Harry’s shoulders and pulled him in. Harry sobbed until his throat was sore. He sobbed until there were no tears left. Liam didn’t mind. He would be there for as long as Harry needed him to be. That’s what made him such a great friend. 

When Harry had settled to just sniffling periodically, Liam spoke,

“It’s never easy to love someone when the world is against you. But you have to figure out if your happiness is based on what the world wants or what you want.”

He was right. Liam was always right. Harry just didn’t know what his next step is supposed to be. 

“He’s talking about leaving early in the morning. If you’re going to do something, now would be the time to do it.”

 

Harry found Louis sitting on the edge of the dock jutting out in the lake. His feet dangled over the edge, toes trailing through the water. Harry hesitated before sitting down beside Louis. His chest felt too constricted, like his lungs had collapsed and he wasn’t getting enough oxygen. His nerves had worked themselves over in a frenzy, making his hands shake. 

“That day, when you moved out, it felt like the end of the world for me. It felt like I would never see you again, which was stupid because we worked together, but it felt like that was the end of everything.”

Harry took in a deep, shuddering breath, trying to compose himself before continuing.

“For you to say that I wasn’t affected and that we were nothing is absolutely the most idiotic thing you could have ever said to me.”

Louis grunted, slightly offended by Harry’s words.

“I couldn’t eat. I couldn’t sleep. Our flat felt too big. Too empty. It was overwhelming. I thought I was dying this slow and painful death.”

Harry drooped his head low and squeezed his fists together in a vain attempt to control the shaking.

“You have no idea what you mean to me, Lou. No idea what you do to me. I didn’t believe in soulmates until I met you back stage. You gave my life actual meaning. You showed me what love was supposed to feel like.”

Louis had let his guard down enough to turn and meet Harry’s gaze. 

“I don’t want anything more in life than to have you back in it. I only want you.”

Louis visibly swallowed, his Adam’s apple bobbed,

“You didn’t fight though.”

Harry bit down on his bottom lip, nodding slowly, choosing his words wisely in this delicate moment. This moment could rekindle something amazing or it could snuff it out like a candle. 

“You love what we do. You love the adrenaline of being on stage. I didn’t want to take that from you. Because no matter what I want or how I’m feeling, you will come first. You always come first.”

They sat in silence for only a few seconds, but it stretched out like a lifetime. Louis took in what Harry said, milling the words around his head until he could taste them. And although damage had been done and there was a lot left to figure out, he thinks that maybe, just maybe there’s enough left to salvage. He considered how he felt like a shell of who he used to be for so long and how good it would feel to be himself with Harry once again. Could it be that simple? Could two ghosts of former lovers find their way back together again? If Louis was to be completely honest with himself, he missed Harry more than anything. They had lost so much time together when they could have been growing, flourishing together; building a life together. 

Louis had made up his mind, like he really had a choice on what he should do. He turned and cupped Harry’s jaw in his hand, thumbing Harry’s bottom lip down ever so slightly. God, he missed the way Harry could look so vulnerable in his hands. So pliant and submissive to Louis’ every move. 

“I’m pretty sure I’m in love with you.”


End file.
